There are two that slide so easy when your child experiences an emotional event. Maybe they stumbled and fell or fought with a friend. Your face crosses, and before you briefly have the opportunity to speak, you say: “You are fine.”
It sounds comfortable. Reassuring, fair. But it is not. As a conscious breeding coach and lawyer for the emotional health of children, I am studied in 200 children, and I saw this phrase well intentional and used causes long -term damage in a way that most parents never realize.
In fact, because it seems so harmless to the beginning, it is the most dangerous phrase in raising children. Here’s why and what to say insem:
1. Teach children to doubt their own emotions.
When a child is annoying and listening “you are fine,” sends a confusing message: What I feel should not be real. Approximately in time, this disconnects them from their internal emotional world and teaches them to distrust their own instincts.
2. Invalizes your experience when you need you most.
You can say it with love, but a child listens: “Your feelings don’t matter.” The dismissal, for subtle, teaches them that comfort and connection are only avant -garde when they are calm and convenient. This is where emotional suppression begins.
3. Incribute emotional processing.
Emotions are meean to move through the body. When we interrupt that natural process with premature tranquility, we rob children the ability to identify, name and regulate their emotions. Instead of building resilience, we are avoiding.
4. Teach that love is conditional.
Without realizing, phrases like “you are fine”, “stop crying” or “do not be afraid” to children to believe that they must suppress their emotions to remain accepted. And when love feels conditional, emotional security, the basis of mental health, begins to unravel.
5. You can recover the response to the stress of a child.
The nervous system develops through repeated experiences. When a child is upset and with dismissal instead of support, his body finds out that it is not sure to express emotion. Approximately time, this can remodel your nervous system to wait for disconnection, which makes it more difficult to trust, regulate and feel safe being completely themselves.
What to say insem or ‘are fine’
Children do not need a solution, they need to feel. And what is more important, they need to know what it is sure Feel, especially with you.
Here there are powerful alternatives that validate their inner world and create emotional strength:
- “I believe you.”
- “Your feelings make sense.”
- “I’m here with you.”
- “You don’t have to be well right now.”
- “I saw what happened. How do you feel?”
These phrases do more than soothe. They strengthen. They teach your child: My emotions matter. I can trust myself. I’m not alone.
These answers require practice. You will still say “You are fine” sometimes. And that’s fine too. The objective is to practice conscious parenting: notice our patterns and choose, moment by moment, to respond so that it builds emotional security instead of undermining it.
Thesis moments may seem small, but real help to build a child’s emotional basis. And in a world where anxiety, depression and disconnection are increasing, this is how we protect the mental health of our children, a moment of emotional security at the same time.
REF RAUDA It is a main voice in conscious raising and the creator of Foundations – The transformative healing magazine for parents ready to break the cycles, do internal work and become the father emotionally sure that your child needs. She is widely recognized for her innovative work in the emotional security of children and strengthening the father-son bond. Fifter it Instagram.
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